Oh Johnny Boy, the Pipes the Pipes Are Calling

Ah yes here it is sports fans the John McCain issue is in. Let me start off by saying that the Republican party is thoroughly doomed for the next eight years. Republicans today face the same political climate as the Democratic party of 1968, with the added heat that the GOP faced following Watergate. With the tens of hundreds of Right wing Sex scandals rocking the very base of the Republican party, to the point that somebody went to the trouble of writing a book about it entitled "Brotherhood of the Disappearing Pants".

In the past the public viewed the Republican Party as steadfast, bold, decisive and above all either married or abstinent, but oh how the burning couch has turned. It was not so long ago that Monica Lewinsky was able to help Newt Gingrich and the GOPAC warroom spin the Democratic party as visceral sex fiends, funnily enough coming from a guy who made his wife divorce him while she was recovering from cancer surgery.

Now the Republican party has in the past year been smeared with many of their elected officials opting out rather than having to face reelection, but much to the partie's dismay the sex scandals have come from both sides of the veil. Another pillar of the Republican Party has always been that the majority of its members were straight, almost rulerish if you will. That is in fact how much of the Christian right came to the Right, but what with a Senator caught soliciting sex from a man that ship has sailed and perhaps among its passengers was all hope in the GOP for victory this year.

But of course I would be remiss not to enlist the elephant in the room. You all know he's coming it Dubya. Thats right the Republican party has tried their best to keep their "fearless leader" under wraps. McCain's newly founded relationship with George has consecrated itself in having to attend underground fundraisers in order for it not to come out that they are friends. But what with McCain's soul and integrity in a jar in G.W.'s office its kind of hard to miss.

Such is the indoctrination of Bush, where once he and McCain were bitter rivals, where once McCain was considered a wild and crazy maverick, and where McCain was in a cage match with his own party now McCain belongs to his party mind, aging body and soul. McCain has long held on to his title of underdog war hero. Now as frontrunner in a party looking for a new Reagan McCain seems at a loss for what to do about Obama. Luckily for Johnny boy he has one part of Reagan nailed down and that is age.

At the age of 72 McCain would definitely be the oldest man to ever assume presidency. The question is do we want that? the answer is no, McCain as Wesley Clark said is a war hero but that doesn't make him a president. Even McCain's semi recent endorsement from his former captors in Vietnam he does not have the steam to push forward. McCain is also still trying to regain his balance knowing that he will have to pick a VP soon and that person needs to also vote with Bush 95% of the time but can't be too young or else he'll look too old.

McCain's strategem so far has been to attack Obama on all fronts desperately trying to force something to stick. But McCain's inability to pick out a decisive form of attack is perhaps a reflection of what his presidency may become. When Pearl Harbor exploded did we attack from all sides until something stuck, no we struck and we hit where it hurt. But McCain's ineptitude cannot be entirely blamed on his lack of experience with sucessful presidential campaigning but also lies in his voting record. Due to that McCain cannot summon the Architect, the Democrats are coming and this time the great Karl will not be there to stop them. McCain's own sloppy attack ads are up to him to create.

But alas that is not the end of McBush's problems his pride in his town hall meetings is not only pathetic but unpreparatory McCain's Town Meetings are to him as Dittoheads are to Rush Limbaugh. Not that the two of them get along not at all, but McCain has surrounded himself with easy questions and supporters who are immune to his gravelly voice, in the debates McCain will enjoy no such luxury. He will be fighting against one of the most articulate public speakers of our day.

In the face of these odds McCain cannot hope to win.